Ben.

Ben, ben, is a millium cheng, he's so crazy, he's so lazy, beng!

He won't sleep,

he won't drink,

all he does is blink blink blink!

WHERE ARE YOU!

BEN IS GOO!

HE WONT TAKE YOU ROOHOOHOO!

Can you see him, sing a song, take him when you go along!

BEN!

Just a dirty whore.

'I'm just a dirty whore,' I thought to myself as I clicked about on the internet. I've done some terrible things in the past but this really takes the cake. This really takes the cake and mushes it all over my chest, and rubs the icing into my chest hairs, takes a fist full of delicious, carrot cake and smears it across my ugly disgraced face. It was as if I had just become married, the whore-wife to some groom who has not yet taken a physical form in this metaphor which so easily turned against me and made my meager attempts at being a clever writer look like the uncontrollable train of crazed thoughts that belong in the ripped and shit-covered journal of some mental patient from that movie Gothika.

I had committed one of blogging's worst crimes imaginable, I had considered, nay, desired, a change of blog hosting websites.

Blogspot knows this, as I type, Blogspot uses its 'Save Now' function to regularly keep track of where I'm up to in case my browser crashes (Google Chrome wouldn't) so that I don't lose my work (it wouldn't matter). Blogspot looks at me, stares at me through that strangely shaped B in the top left corner, like the misshapen eye of some child that I have betrayed. Stares at me, and cries.

Boy-o, what about that Wordpress website 'though?! Looks pretty sleek, you gotta admit.

What's this?! A serious blog?!!

Hello all,

this is potentially the first (I don't remember) and probably the last (who can say, I'm not great at sticking to promises I make myself) serious blog that I will ever do.

And in saying that, the only thing serious about it is that the words that will follow are all true.

This music video, by We Are Scientists comes as breath of fresh air for me, swimming around in a sea of uncertainty about who I am and who I want to be when I am older, a breath of fresh oxygen which will keep me alive while I am underwater in this sea of tempestuous waters which I shall, for the sake of this post, call Growing Up.

The song, 'Rules Don't Stop Me' initially presents itself as a lame, outdated stab at authority figures, the theme of the song is basically what would happen if Bart Simpson never really grew up, but moved to New York with his heart set on proving to the world that he truly was a rebel.

However, the video itself is so 'sillie' that I felt the immeasurable urge to spend the rest of my life trying to embody exactly what goes on in these 2 minutes and 16 seconds. They jump around, they get someone's dad involved in the video, they have their heads turn into giant cubes, they cuddle, they fight, it's madness. And it just reminds me that that's all I really want to be, a sillie do0d with the mental capacity to be serious when he needs to and to entertain others.

Fuck you adulthood, fuck you adulthoof, fuck you hipsterdom, I'm getting a tattoo of a sharkboy with a speech bubble that says 'Stay Fun Eddie!' cause THATs how you spell my name, and THATs what I want.

cha cha cha

Merton Mertle the Purple Turtle

A few things have occurred to me today, one of was a piece of wisdom handed down to me by this guy who was wearing a nice blazer that i looked at one day, and then i saw it on today and thought, 'boy-o, shoulda got that there blazer' but then i sort of passed the thought off, but now, as I write this, the thought has come back stronger than ever, like a bout of foodsickness, coming back for another round.

but that wasn't one of the things. One of the things was that Marley has my wallet, which is just the greatest news! I thought I had lost it forever! She's a real doll, and what a figure! Ooh that figure (/@Marley Merton, Barely Legal)

The other thing is that we need to take control of our own destiny, and that includes eating eggs when you want, saying no (NO!) to things like: gardening, getting hot and steamy, eating McDs for dinner, going to parties, not going to parties, and signing up for life insurance.

that's the other thing, i went to change my kiwisaver provider, and the lady is like 'uhhhh great, do you want to see the...' and im like 'NO!' and then she said, 'do you want to look at house and contents cover?' and I said 'NO! my parents do that FOR ME!' but i dont know if they do. Then she said, 'do you have life insurance?' and i laughed a little bit, but on the inside, but then i said 'NO! My PARENTS do it for me!' and she was sort of like, 'ohhh i dont think anyone but you can...' and I cut her off, being all 'I'LL TALK TO THEM WHEN I GET HOME' and then I left, but I forgot to take the ASB ballpoint pen, which was my plan all along.

PS i think the purple turtle at the top of the page is smokin' reefer, what a little rascal

What may eventually be referred to as, 'The End of an Era'

I used to use facebook all the time, and most of the things that I would do on facebook didn't really always make sense, and sometimes people made jokes about my facebooking, about how i was always online and about how i was one of facebook's most prominent users, but recently things have gotten pretty serious.

a couple of my closest friends have said that they had to hide me from their news feed

a girl i know started a '100 people to have Edward Warren kicked off facebook' group

I realised that I'd lost control, the internet was destroying relationships, the internet, who had once been a close friend of mine, was ruining my life. Everything cam crashing down around me, and I knew there was only one solution. Kill the machine. End my relationship with the book.

But that's where she gets you, you can delete your account easy enough, she asks you a few questions on your way out, 'why are you leaving me?' as you head for the door, 'you'll miss all the great times we used to have...' But you stand strong, and you go through with it, your facebook account is gone.

or is it?

what facebook does, is that she keeps all of your information, photographs, friends lists, previous posts, on her database, so that if you come back to www.facebook.com, and enter those details in the top right hand corner, knowing full well that you shouldn't be there, knowing that if you just dont click 'login' you could walk away and things would be fine.

but you get too close, and your will power isn't enough. You're back in the book. and the book looks at you like this 'yeah i thought you'd be back, feels good, don't it?'

which makes you resent her all the more.

facebook. you are the worst.

'you can blog about that if you want'

claire greaney just went to the bathroom and told me i could blog about it if i wanted but i dont know if she meant i could blog about her going to the bathroom or if she meant that i could blog about the other thing which we were talkingabout claire greaney wants to be lil kim, here's claire's rap

yo, this one goes out

this one goes out to all ma ladies, holdin down it down

hip hop honeys

yeah

boi dont frown

holdin you down

wen we go to town

we get gon get round

to gettin buck wild

hip hop child

dont call me mild

IM CLAIRE STYLE

killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers killin rappers

gotta get get get to know na know know all the haters that be hatin and couples that be datin and claire greaney emaciatin herself from the latent (boundaries, floundering, dont stop now(dering))

lots of love

colonel mustard

Queen Janey Salamander Jones

Im trying to get my music career back on path, heres my latest song that ive written, you gotta imagine it like as if it was a really sad kind of ballad about a guy who's like in love with this girl but she thinks hes really wierd but he plays it off like he doesnt really care but hes really sad and his toes are cold cause he doesnt have any woollen socks

"(intro)

hey girl

bayyyyby girl

im here for you on the street, got my ... got my... love eyes on

and ive been

\running through my own head,

\lying in my own bed,

\eats lots of warm bread,

but you're not here....

to share this bread with me

and it makes me real sad, that you're not down with my styles, i love you baby girl, im sorry for being this crazy feller,

got you these chocolates,

but i forgot-lates

that you are not-lates

able to eat cocoa, cause it makes ...you...sick.... and gives you migranes

(refrain)

yeahhh..

woahhh, woahhh

(breakdown)

(john mayer, guitar solo)

check out the website."

so thats my new song, hope you guys think its good, let me know if you wanna do a collab or anything

(NB Any names used in this song/blog post are probably based on someone that YOU KNOW!)

Drum a'n;d House music

Hello

this blog is about musics and musics types. I, as a listerner to the many different types of musics, i like to talk on you about what is your best kind? do you like the housey drum and bass? my neighbours do, but they are stupid girls. some other poeple i know like it and they are not stupid and not all girls so maybe house is alright for music?

my favourite kind of music is the rock and roll, isnt it great how you can just get lost in the music and forget about all your troubles? my favourite onces are:

Ozzy Ozzburne

Metallica

King Leons

my friend likes old music too, he says that some of new music that he listens to isnt as good as the original music: it is: arethra franklin, stevie wonder, will smith.

do you think you will change your music style taste after reading this?

Boysenberry Pie or Boys and Berry Pie?

If you are a person who likes Boysenberry Pie, perhaps next time you're craving that crumbly gooey treat you should consider a delicious and healthy alternative, Boys and Berry Pie.

The benefits of B&B Pie are numerous and really, really, really, really, really, really fun. You can use the leftover parts from the boy in a light salad for lunch the next day; any and all berries go well in this recipe so you don't need to rely as heavily on seasonal fruit; boys are easily accessible, most kindergartens, schools and after-school care centres have large supplies of them; and most importantly B&B Pie is far healthier, with around half the calories of a Boysenberry Pie twice the size of your average B&B Pie!

B&B Pies grow to about 3'4" average diameter for a male pie and 3'9" for a female pie, although the female pie tends to be more bitter and parts of her are inedible.

Pick up a recipe from our website www.fruitsandtoots.co.nz/whatpie?!??

(Photo: here we can see the boy being soaked in berry juice so that once he is inserted into the pie the pie will not recognise him as a foreign object and so will not reject him from the pie)

If you're out in the damaging UV rays of the Internet, you'd better Blog Up!

I'm falling behind in my bloggery so here's something to keep me up to date, I will write two poems, one will be a haiku and the other will be a limerick.

2:

There once was a good young potato,

he spent years and years working for NATO,

but lost all his drive,

when he started to write this limerick

that was bad

2a:

There once was a girl called Petunia

but nothing rhymes with petunia

2b:

There once was a boy with a MacBook,

who really wanted an iPad

these dont have to rhyme

but the truth of the matter is

that MacBooks are now obsolete and now iPads are the thing to have.

haiku's suck

Clash of the Titans

What worries me, are things like this. This poster, or at least something very much like it, on Oriental Parade, but on the poster I saw were three names:

Sam Worthington

Ralph Fiennes

Liam Neeson

and the two guys on the poster, who I think I can kind of recognise now, were unrecogniseable. I thought, oh it's Ralph and Liam, but I couldn't tell which one was which! Here I am, standing there like an IDIOT on O-Parade and I'm starting to get worried, right?! Cause, who are these guys?! I like to know, where stuff is, and when I've sorted out where it all is, I like to know what exactly I'm looking at. So, I know it's in front of me, and i know it's a movie, with these actors, but which is which?

And then it hits me.

What if one of these guys is Sam Worthington?

Then I get REALLY REALLY nervous, I feel like Woody Allen, standing on Oriental, sweaty palms, hopping from foot to foot, with this completely insane dilemma, until eventually I just have to run.

I'm off, down the street, names and faces running through my head, on my way to a psychiatrist's office, because this is really gonna get to me.

So, I dunno, can anyone help?

The Nails of Greane

This post, this little Gem comes as a recommendation. If you see Claire Greaney around and about any time soon, have a little geez at her nails. Finger Nails.

They are graceful like a swan, fruity like Skittles, as strong and hearty as 16 year old girl from a small town, just west of Jersey's desire to move to the big smoke to make it as a singer/songwriter.

They're just looking really great right now. really really great.

Are you guys going out this wednesday? do you guys like to party? please submit your answers in the form of a 250 word paragraph answer.

You Can't Fake the Cool

you cant fake the cool obama, look at the guy on the right, he's like 'mmmmm gurrrl'

Fickle Pickle

Hey there, I'm just a lil pickle, watching you sitting there at your computer desk. How's it going? Good I hope. Have a pickletastic day.

F. Pickle

Yoga, you girl, you girls, Emma Gray

So here it is, ladies, a guide on how to be hot:

step 1: do yoga, hot yoga preferably, guys love a girl who knows how to sweat and do all those freaky positions and junk

step 2: do everything that Emma Gray does, clothes wise, drinks wise, exercise wise - just. do. it.

step 3: appeal to all the senses, that is: wear nice looking stuff, smell nice, make sure you arent all hairy and junk and then also do some other good stuff.

and also, guys love it when girls say nice things about their hair and dance moves and huffer tshirts. and girls are also really pretty a lot of the time and they're really nice to kiss. so if anyone knows any pretty girls who like spazzy blogs, send them this way. and stuff.

So, in conclusion, hi Emma!

check out THIS HOTTY

Solution Management

If you love whipped cream, which I certainly do, why don't you try our new Solution Management Whipped Cream?

I'm not in love with strippers, but I can see how you would be! I know this guy you see, and he is like totally in love with a stripper, and he needs to manage a solution into stopping being in love with a woman who makes her living by dancing for men.

The piccy at the top is a piccy of me about to go to bed

AVATARIZE YOURSELF

JUSS GOTTA BLOG !!

So heres the issue like i love to party like all the time right and i love getting down with all my buddies and having a really great time and i love music like all different types and kinds so i love parties and gigs and shows and CD disks and all that and i saw my friends last night and we were all partying really hard, man i am so hung out, i cant believe im back at the horse tonight, i had so many standard drx last night it was super crazy bro

FIRST POST FROM NU HEADQUARTERS

Hi there,

CEO of Womboaks, Edward Warren here, streaming live to you from our new headquarters in the Cap, Wellington City.

First of all I wanted to update y'all on changes in the business, the first of which is that we're changing the direction of the business to be more involved in the online side of the scientific research world and have launched the new website, which will be secret until ferther notice.

Second of all, here is some junk off an alternative art blog. it's for people who are spazs and is published by this guy who hates most stuff.

it contains a buttload of stuff like the image at the top of this post. Here is a link to a few of the best things that i have seen there so far:

this one is cute/funny

this one is freaky/not great

this one im not really sure about

check it out. im back in wellington. where's that goddam bed at?

And so it begins

no one really knows how this started, and oh wait or, i mean, i dont know how this is about to start

hi blogosphere

how are 'y'all' [via HRO, thanks carles for always holdin' me down] so it turns out that the social sciences tend to be 'hokum', based on studies carried out by the characters on the TV show, the Biggest Bang Theory. And it turns out also that New Zealand reality television is generally shit: The Apprentice NZ, 'I'll be the smiling assassin' - bus stops need to stop supporting lOSERS.

I had to get the bus today, David Tua was on the bus, and I was like hey man, loved your last album, but i said it like as a joke and he gave me this look as if he thought i was mental, or as if we were back at [insert American TV show high school] and he was the jock and i was the nerd. He likes boxing, i like science, whatever. How does the Hadron Collider work?

IT'S UNDER GROUND SOMEWHERE NEAR FRANCE,!! ! < !>

Did you guys know that the first underground zone/area for the Hadron Collider was in Texas, and they started building it and threw like 3 billion at it and then they sorta went oh wait, nah sorry texas, enjoy the massive under ground caves

stupid

I wish I was as clever as Carles. I love that guys 'online style' [via direct reference to his style

ALSO I'm struggling to format this whole thing with my pictures.

Die Antwoord: is it okay?

Hello there,

You might have heard of the new South African gimmick rap group (and I say gimmick because they are more hilarious than they probably meant to be) called Die Antwoord who have released the video for their first single 'Enter the Ninja' for which there is a hilarious video.

This group must surely be a joke, because I like to hope that whoever filmed and produced the music video and this other music video-cum-interview would have stopped and said to the main gauy, "are you being fucking serious?"

There's a rapper (skinny, covered in homemade tattoos which say crap like "Pretty Wise," "a woman is more dangerous than a loaded gun," and "how could an angel break my heart"); a small blonde girl with a mullet (maybe hot in a post-ironic sort of way?) who sings the choruses and dances; and then there's a DJ (he is the most mysterious one).

The rapper, is a joke. In the single, Enter the Ninja he takes his due time as a rapper to hate on all his haters but it comes out sounding like something you might see on Tim & Eric, because it's just that retarded:

"Fuck. This is like, the coolest song I ever heard in my whole life. Fuck all of you who said I wouldn't make it. They said I was a loser, they said I was a no-one, they said I was a FUCKin psycho. Well look at me now, all up in the interweb, world wide, 2009, futurista, enter the ninja, Yolandi Visser, DJ Hi-Tek, Die Fokkin Antwoord"

He's mental. They mak numerous references to ninjas throughout their lyrics, I feel as though they may have spent too much time with the 12 year olds on www.mylifeisaverage.com

Yolandi Visser - short, blonde, reso nice body, she has a voice I suppose I can't really tell if its any good, she says a few words every once in a while but I cannot tell if she would be pretty if we removed the context.

DJ Hi-Tek does NOT have progeria. In 'Enter the Ninja,' the rapper is like DJ Hi-Tek! and then they show you a picture of the kid w/ progeria. But on the website you can see that DJ Hi-Tek is this big fatty who mixes 'Next-Level beats'

That is all. These people are kind of fun, and some of the music sounds a bit like M.I.A.s Arular, if you threw an agressive South African guy in the mix.

ALSO

is it ok to use the kid with progeria as a gimmick?

Please Say Something

This is a short, animated film by David O'Reilly, an Irishman

Please Say Something

This little Cat here is the weaker partner in the relationship which is the focus of the film


This little mousy is the abusive partner, the 'worse half' you might say.

It won a Golden Bear in the 2009 Berlin Short Film Festival.

It's pretty sweet. And for a relatively simple animation, there's just heaps of emotion portayed really clearly in the little lovers.

Plz watch it/

DILEMMA

WHY DOES THIS PLUM TASTE LIKE WHITEBOARD MARKER??!?!

CLICK HERE NOW!

Razz V Brubs

Hello All,

negotiations are currently underway with our newest client company 'Razz V Brubs' to establish the terms and conditions of a new working contract. Razz V Brubs are an international publisher with resources a similar size to that of MacMillan Intl. and Cambridge University Press, and who are responsible for the publication of the incredible short fillum entitled Please Say Something.

The CEO and Director of Operations of Razz V Brubs, Jorma Taccone, this man:also gained a small amount of fame as part of the dud comedy trio The Lonely Island, whose only real critical acclaim came from the intro song for their sketch show Awesometown, in which Jorma plays the 'bad boy' character, and the film Hot Rod, in which I don't genuinely remember if Taccone starred.

So far peace talks/negotiations/catch up for a coffee and chats with the CEO are going well and we expect to have settled a deal by next thursday.

In later news, this video has been making me Laugh Out Loud (literally) at least twice a day for the past 6 days. Ooh! there we go, it just made me laugh again. Look out for 0:56-1:00, 'no, M I N E WHYY' hah! whoo. Good.

Right,

Womboaks Global CEO Edward Warren
over and out.

An Even Sadder Day For Us Here At Womboaks

Here at Womboaks Pty Ltd we see ourselves as one big, happy, straight, gay, traditional, multicultural family (/via Modern Family (TV Show) - /via Carles (HRO)) and when we lose one of our own, we vow not to rest until we solve the mystery.

This week's mystery shall be known as the mystery of the deceased Author/Writer/Researcher/Boat.

This blog will start publishing a weekly mystery, and what better place to start than with a real life Drama/Mystery/Tragedy/Romantic-Comedy (the Rom-Com comes at the end - stay tuned, it get's juicy!)

One of our authors here at Womboaks, Sally Poolrandy III, has passed away in the last week. We've all found this to be a dreadful tragedy and we're all dealing with this in our own ways, and as the Global CEO, I feel that it is my responsibility to determine the Cause of Death (perfect band name for a Nu-Metal band? I think so.)

The autopsy results came back positive for sinking due to rust holes. But I think there may be something more nefarious at work, something more...[nefarious]...

nefarious.........

Stay tuned for more advances

A Pop Song

this is a pop song released on Sony BMG, written by Owl City. Honest.


Don't you run away from me,
let's just get a place together
arooooooo
arooooooo
why you gotta play me like that?
why you gotta get down like that?
arooooooo oowaoh
arooooooo oowaoh

The stars and the skies and the best of friends
couldn't take away this melody, from the Detox Day Inn
cant you seeee?
I will always love saltless dinners in seattleless cities

Now you can't seem to tell me,
if He is kind or cruel or even really there
arooooooo
arooooooo
and you don't seem to know, uh oh,
why boys and girls will never get it right
arooooooo
arooooooo woah oh oh oh ohhhh

The stars and the skies and the best of friends
couldn't take away this melody, from the Detox Day Inn
cant you seeee?
I will always love saltless dinners in seattleless cities

dont stop dancing
i cant spell these words
dont stop dancing
can you see the world
from
where
ever
it is
you are

roooo roooo roooo, roooo rooo rooo rooooooo

baby girl, I will always love you
salt and sand and soda float,
and books and beans and rusty boat,
can you help me,
get this record published?

(or can you at least help me get signed to a major label?)

A New Hope

The following news stories made the headlines in 2009, what is to come in this new year, the first of a brand new decade?:

'Sandy Old Man Puts Himself At Risk For Sake of Church-Goers'

'A Nation At War [Will You Marry Me, Sally Boon-Rickett?]'

'Oh the Chinese, How Playful They Have Become!'

'The Internet: Do We Really Need It?'

The above stories and many replications were reported in a number of highly respected editorials world wide including The Dominion Post, Milan Today, The Daily Prophet, some odd magazine my neighbour gets delivered, and The New York Times.

Also, who is going to Vampy Weekend? Should I fly up? No. Probably not. Spend that money on trinkets and a bed.

Domesticated Fox: Who Could Ask for a Better Companion?

Ahyes, le fox. Vulpes Vulpes to the Romans, or Italians, or, wait does any particular group of people 'claim' Latin? It's just awful, just the worst language. It's like trying to learn how to speak fascism, all that strict structure, it hardly reflects the lifestyle of those mad emperors back in Ancient Rome right? Alcoholism painted as gaeity, orgies respected as if they were art, Jesus H. Christ what were they thinking?

Anyway, the fox. The FOXX. Red fox or silver fox, both are beautiful little characters, sly, sleek, sexy, sensual, soft, something else. But one question occurred to me while watching the latest Wes Anderson flick, 'How will I make friends with a fantastic mr or mrs fox of my own?' I think that a fox would just be the most spectacular pet, well surpassing goldfishae, budgerigars, and only just surpassing Archie and the abstract concept of Sand-Rabbits, it would be fun, and compact and it can kill chickens, and he has a beautiful coat and bright eyes and a bushy bushy tail. I want one.

I want a fox as a pet.

The Russians have been doing experiments to domesticate the Silver Fox, which is, in my opinion, just the greatest thing. The silver fox is equally as handsome as the classic red fox in a more contemporary, futuristic, silver-y kind of way, and now the Russians have made them into pets! Apparently they act more like dogs than they would in the wild but as long as they're still foxes on the most fundamental level, I'd fuckin get one! There's also a video on the Ustube internet video sharing website which is a man who found a 3 month old fox and forced the little red fellow to love him. I like that guy.

There are plenty of videos on that website of pet red foxes, let alone the silver ones, they're comparatively COMMON now! but I want to know if it's legal to have one of those little fuckers in NZ? Can anyone help? is anyone a vet/works for the Ministry of Fox Ownership?

And to sign off, let it be my honour to quote one of my most predominant influences and say, 'what are y'all doing tonight?'

The State of the Economy Vs. A Giant Lizard

At the moment, as we are all egrariously aware, our nations global maxi-economy is in a state of disrepair. Tax credit ratings are falling, the international dollar percentage standard is through the roof, governments all around the world and New Zealand are struggling to stop certain industries, particularly the quaternary sector, from collapsing and suffering a most embarrassing death - all of this while natural disasters are engulfing some of the worlds swarthiest and most attractive nations. Peru for example, in the region of Machu Picchu has experienced a flood which killed over 33 dogs and a whole roost of chickens, in San Francisco there has been an outbreak of racist flus, affecting only Korean and Vietnamese residents, and in little old New Zealand there has been talk of a hot day, with temperatures expected to reach over 20 degrees Celcius and with sunlight hours predicted at more than 3.

But in light of all this, how are you? did you get all that stuff done yesterday which you were meant to? I didn't.

Here's a link to something which Ferris Cooler would like everyone to see:

ladies and gentlemen, here's where cameron goes beserk

Going viral!

Hi there netloverrs!

So far, Womboaks has really been taking off, we had a rocky start with basically EVERONE on the planet saying that it was mental, but it's really started to pick up. Our international distributors are getting plenty of snags in the global sea of business chatty chatty and the ladies are rolling in. Right?! Ladieeeeeessss.

Anyway, as promised to all of our customers, here is a taste of things to come in the may-september financial/dance and art period!

May 10th: dance classes, my place, bring your nicest leotard, ladies only, and "especially no Eddie Warrens" (/via Zane Moser, who remembers when that happened, right!?)

May 10.6th: Who wants pizza? Your chubby asian friend does!

May44th: The Office (US) watching party (/via Rainn Wilson on Twitter)

June 1st-18th: we're launching the new website, Damian and Neil have been hard at work and are expecting a huge turnout, especially with the laydeezzz (roOoOooOOoO)

June 25th: hungover.

July 1st-17th: LOOK AROUND YOU! Thanks ants! Thants. Instructional science video about Ghosts. -->

Raise the roof guys, big shout out to our partner/sister/wierd aunt company www.katherineisawesome.com - have a look at the website, get the tshirt, Katherine, start producing tshirts, Maddie where did I leave that book? Rachel HI!

LAYDEEEZ!

More info as soon as the design team have the website up and running. By the way what you're reading is not a website, it is in fact a type of fruit.

A Sad, Sad Day for Womboaks

It is hard to write this, as I do so the tears stream down my face and drip into my bowl of mayonnaise and scrambled egg.

I used to have one follower on my blog and now I have none.

It's just me now, out here on the internet.

Oh Edward. Where have your fans gone? Your customers? Official affiliates of Womboaks Pty Ltd?

You never thought it would come to this, such a stable business plan crumbling beneath your size ten crocs. In gold.

Where will we go from here? What will all the boats do for work? Why is it that one of my slim converse classics have ripped so heartily at the back but the other hasn't? Do I have a wonky walk? I know I have knock knees, every day I look in the mirror I remember that much.

Oh.

Hey guys! Great to see you're all following along avidly! If y'all don't mind I'm just going to take a slightly more personal route on this next post, here goes nothing!

So, as the Global CEO of one of TIME's 2010's up and coming 50 international companies, I know a little bit about the world, I'm fairly well travelled and I've seen a lot of amazing places and amazing things in my time, but the reality is, no place will ever be home to me more than the beautiful town of Mangawai, just an hour north of Auckland. I was born there, I went to school there, I met my beautiful fiance Poliotherna there, and while I've travelled around, I want to retire and eventually die there.

I don't see what the issue is with wanting to be born, grow up and die in the same beautiful corner of the world?! Heck, if I'd had my way and Ma' and Pa' hadn't forced me out the door at 15, I woulda stayed there my whole life! Granted, my forced graduation from Mangawai college led me on to do great things with great people, I would never have amassed the wealth and business expertise that I did without my parents quite literally pushing me out the door, but I just wish that I could have known the joy of staying in the one spot for my whole life.

I miss you hometown. I miss you Mrs Bernhall (who is pregnant with her sixth - congrats!). I miss the cafe/plant barn. I don't miss Sally Holmeswood and she knows why - I swear to god woman you'll be paying for the antibiotics to get rid of this. And most of all, I miss all the neighbourhood cats with whom I used to play for hours, right until the sun went down over Khalalilled Hill.

I will always love you Mangawai. And one day I might learn to spell your name.

Generations Z, ZA & ZB

Here at Womboaks we're addicted to providing the best possible service that we can, and part of that addiction is a constant desire to appeal to not only those who are economically and commercially active today and tomorrow, but those who are due to become so next week and the week after. And by that of course the day and the week is used as a metaphor for a much larger time frame. We're talking whole generations here people. Generation Y are stepping into the shoes of Generation X and taking the reigns of this frightening and rambunctious global economy. However, provided the world doesn't actually end in 2012 (here's hoping, otherwise that 10 year insurance policy on my yacht would have been a waste of time, right!? RIGHT!??) we would feel irresponsible if we did not let the coming generations, Z, ZA and ZB, know that we are there for them.

In order to do this, we've developed a unique time-travel machine, which does not so much transport a human body through space and time, but reaches through a portal, like an immense, shimmering, 6-fingered hand, with the purpose of snatching pieces of pop-culture from the future. And I'll tell you what, the next 50-100 years promises to be a wild trip for those of us who are still around/whose poltergeists have not yet moved on from this mortal realm!

Did you know that Jesse McCartney's great grandson becomes the Vice-President of the United States to a man named Peliora Poolrandy? Neither did we, but we do now. Join us for this exciting ride...

Want more information? Call 027 OXI-F1KL

Advances In Technology See Commercial Success For Local Business

The following article was printed in the Weekend Herald (16/01/10):

Advances In Technology See Commercial Success For Local Business

LOCAL BUSINESS Womboaks Pty Ltd has recently struck gold with groundbreaking new research techniques. Nick-named by business mogul Donald Trump as 2010's 'Wonder-Boy' of the international scientific research world, Womboaks have seen instigated some serious alterations to classic methods of conducting business. Taking the risk of operating their business completely devoid of ALL computer technology, the homegrown, year-old company conduct all their planning, communication, and studies with pen and paper. Furthermore, CEO Edward 'aint nothin to it but to do it' Warren claims that by 2011 Womboaks will not only be carbon neutral, but will in fact be carbon negative, "It's been a hard road but we've known that it would be all along, what matters in today's shaky environment is a focus on clean green business, and rock 'em, sock 'em football. Our official affiliates and customers are behind us 100%, except for the cleaning lady, but that's because of something I said to her last thursday which we won't go into," Edward declared wildly.

Womboaks are set to take the Australian Tennis Open by storm this month, having destroyed the Scot, Andy Murray, in a grudge match last November and with profit up 130% since last quarter. More information about TIME's 24th 'Hottest New Company in the New Decade' can be found at their website www.womboaks.blogspot.com

photos/reuters and lambourne

Womboaks: A New Decade, A New Approach!

Hi Guys!

Great to be here, I'm really excited about this new opportunity and really excited about the new decade! I'm glad you're here to share this experience with me, we're taking the first step in what promises to be an exciting and lucrative business journey.

Womboaks is a fairly simple concept, the way it works is that our ghostwriters are working with a herd of some of the most well-travelled, experienced and innovative boats around to help them focus and capture hundreds of years of unbridled boat-philosophy and science, in this case, on the topic of wombats.

People have been studying Wombats, arguably the most fascinating creature on God's beautiful Earth, for thousands of years, but the studies have reached a point where the results have become tired and lacklustre, those academics and scientists in that particular area of science and math are demanding something new. Something original. Something innovative. Something like this, an intensive series of books authored by a saddle of boats.

The industry is screaming out for this change and you'd be a fool to not take advantage of this situation, like you took advantage of your younger sister's friend that one time.

Already at this early point in the development the response has been phenomenal!

"Yeah, it's that something that I've felt has been missing from my life for so long, it's just fantastic"
- Sedgley Poolhurst, a local 'Indigo Babies' representative.

"I can't believe no one's thought of this before! it just feels SO GOOD!!!"
- Ma Kettle, the leading authority on Wombat paw development.

"It fits right in with my schedule, I haven't had to change a single thing! It really is great, I have so much to thank Womboaks for"
- Paul "Don't be afraid to say no" Ellis