You Can't Fake the Cool

you cant fake the cool obama, look at the guy on the right, he's like 'mmmmm gurrrl'

Fickle Pickle

Hey there, I'm just a lil pickle, watching you sitting there at your computer desk. How's it going? Good I hope. Have a pickletastic day.

F. Pickle

Yoga, you girl, you girls, Emma Gray

So here it is, ladies, a guide on how to be hot:

step 1: do yoga, hot yoga preferably, guys love a girl who knows how to sweat and do all those freaky positions and junk

step 2: do everything that Emma Gray does, clothes wise, drinks wise, exercise wise - just. do. it.

step 3: appeal to all the senses, that is: wear nice looking stuff, smell nice, make sure you arent all hairy and junk and then also do some other good stuff.

and also, guys love it when girls say nice things about their hair and dance moves and huffer tshirts. and girls are also really pretty a lot of the time and they're really nice to kiss. so if anyone knows any pretty girls who like spazzy blogs, send them this way. and stuff.

So, in conclusion, hi Emma!

check out THIS HOTTY

Solution Management

If you love whipped cream, which I certainly do, why don't you try our new Solution Management Whipped Cream?

I'm not in love with strippers, but I can see how you would be! I know this guy you see, and he is like totally in love with a stripper, and he needs to manage a solution into stopping being in love with a woman who makes her living by dancing for men.

The piccy at the top is a piccy of me about to go to bed

AVATARIZE YOURSELF

JUSS GOTTA BLOG !!

So heres the issue like i love to party like all the time right and i love getting down with all my buddies and having a really great time and i love music like all different types and kinds so i love parties and gigs and shows and CD disks and all that and i saw my friends last night and we were all partying really hard, man i am so hung out, i cant believe im back at the horse tonight, i had so many standard drx last night it was super crazy bro

FIRST POST FROM NU HEADQUARTERS

Hi there,

CEO of Womboaks, Edward Warren here, streaming live to you from our new headquarters in the Cap, Wellington City.

First of all I wanted to update y'all on changes in the business, the first of which is that we're changing the direction of the business to be more involved in the online side of the scientific research world and have launched the new website, which will be secret until ferther notice.

Second of all, here is some junk off an alternative art blog. it's for people who are spazs and is published by this guy who hates most stuff.

it contains a buttload of stuff like the image at the top of this post. Here is a link to a few of the best things that i have seen there so far:

this one is cute/funny

this one is freaky/not great

this one im not really sure about

check it out. im back in wellington. where's that goddam bed at?

And so it begins

no one really knows how this started, and oh wait or, i mean, i dont know how this is about to start

hi blogosphere

how are 'y'all' [via HRO, thanks carles for always holdin' me down] so it turns out that the social sciences tend to be 'hokum', based on studies carried out by the characters on the TV show, the Biggest Bang Theory. And it turns out also that New Zealand reality television is generally shit: The Apprentice NZ, 'I'll be the smiling assassin' - bus stops need to stop supporting lOSERS.

I had to get the bus today, David Tua was on the bus, and I was like hey man, loved your last album, but i said it like as a joke and he gave me this look as if he thought i was mental, or as if we were back at [insert American TV show high school] and he was the jock and i was the nerd. He likes boxing, i like science, whatever. How does the Hadron Collider work?

IT'S UNDER GROUND SOMEWHERE NEAR FRANCE,!! ! < !>

Did you guys know that the first underground zone/area for the Hadron Collider was in Texas, and they started building it and threw like 3 billion at it and then they sorta went oh wait, nah sorry texas, enjoy the massive under ground caves

stupid

I wish I was as clever as Carles. I love that guys 'online style' [via direct reference to his style

ALSO I'm struggling to format this whole thing with my pictures.

Die Antwoord: is it okay?

Hello there,

You might have heard of the new South African gimmick rap group (and I say gimmick because they are more hilarious than they probably meant to be) called Die Antwoord who have released the video for their first single 'Enter the Ninja' for which there is a hilarious video.

This group must surely be a joke, because I like to hope that whoever filmed and produced the music video and this other music video-cum-interview would have stopped and said to the main gauy, "are you being fucking serious?"

There's a rapper (skinny, covered in homemade tattoos which say crap like "Pretty Wise," "a woman is more dangerous than a loaded gun," and "how could an angel break my heart"); a small blonde girl with a mullet (maybe hot in a post-ironic sort of way?) who sings the choruses and dances; and then there's a DJ (he is the most mysterious one).

The rapper, is a joke. In the single, Enter the Ninja he takes his due time as a rapper to hate on all his haters but it comes out sounding like something you might see on Tim & Eric, because it's just that retarded:

"Fuck. This is like, the coolest song I ever heard in my whole life. Fuck all of you who said I wouldn't make it. They said I was a loser, they said I was a no-one, they said I was a FUCKin psycho. Well look at me now, all up in the interweb, world wide, 2009, futurista, enter the ninja, Yolandi Visser, DJ Hi-Tek, Die Fokkin Antwoord"

He's mental. They mak numerous references to ninjas throughout their lyrics, I feel as though they may have spent too much time with the 12 year olds on www.mylifeisaverage.com

Yolandi Visser - short, blonde, reso nice body, she has a voice I suppose I can't really tell if its any good, she says a few words every once in a while but I cannot tell if she would be pretty if we removed the context.

DJ Hi-Tek does NOT have progeria. In 'Enter the Ninja,' the rapper is like DJ Hi-Tek! and then they show you a picture of the kid w/ progeria. But on the website you can see that DJ Hi-Tek is this big fatty who mixes 'Next-Level beats'

That is all. These people are kind of fun, and some of the music sounds a bit like M.I.A.s Arular, if you threw an agressive South African guy in the mix.

ALSO

is it ok to use the kid with progeria as a gimmick?

Please Say Something

This is a short, animated film by David O'Reilly, an Irishman

Please Say Something

This little Cat here is the weaker partner in the relationship which is the focus of the film


This little mousy is the abusive partner, the 'worse half' you might say.

It won a Golden Bear in the 2009 Berlin Short Film Festival.

It's pretty sweet. And for a relatively simple animation, there's just heaps of emotion portayed really clearly in the little lovers.

Plz watch it/

DILEMMA

WHY DOES THIS PLUM TASTE LIKE WHITEBOARD MARKER??!?!

CLICK HERE NOW!

Razz V Brubs

Hello All,

negotiations are currently underway with our newest client company 'Razz V Brubs' to establish the terms and conditions of a new working contract. Razz V Brubs are an international publisher with resources a similar size to that of MacMillan Intl. and Cambridge University Press, and who are responsible for the publication of the incredible short fillum entitled Please Say Something.

The CEO and Director of Operations of Razz V Brubs, Jorma Taccone, this man:also gained a small amount of fame as part of the dud comedy trio The Lonely Island, whose only real critical acclaim came from the intro song for their sketch show Awesometown, in which Jorma plays the 'bad boy' character, and the film Hot Rod, in which I don't genuinely remember if Taccone starred.

So far peace talks/negotiations/catch up for a coffee and chats with the CEO are going well and we expect to have settled a deal by next thursday.

In later news, this video has been making me Laugh Out Loud (literally) at least twice a day for the past 6 days. Ooh! there we go, it just made me laugh again. Look out for 0:56-1:00, 'no, M I N E WHYY' hah! whoo. Good.

Right,

Womboaks Global CEO Edward Warren
over and out.

An Even Sadder Day For Us Here At Womboaks

Here at Womboaks Pty Ltd we see ourselves as one big, happy, straight, gay, traditional, multicultural family (/via Modern Family (TV Show) - /via Carles (HRO)) and when we lose one of our own, we vow not to rest until we solve the mystery.

This week's mystery shall be known as the mystery of the deceased Author/Writer/Researcher/Boat.

This blog will start publishing a weekly mystery, and what better place to start than with a real life Drama/Mystery/Tragedy/Romantic-Comedy (the Rom-Com comes at the end - stay tuned, it get's juicy!)

One of our authors here at Womboaks, Sally Poolrandy III, has passed away in the last week. We've all found this to be a dreadful tragedy and we're all dealing with this in our own ways, and as the Global CEO, I feel that it is my responsibility to determine the Cause of Death (perfect band name for a Nu-Metal band? I think so.)

The autopsy results came back positive for sinking due to rust holes. But I think there may be something more nefarious at work, something more...[nefarious]...

nefarious.........

Stay tuned for more advances

A Pop Song

this is a pop song released on Sony BMG, written by Owl City. Honest.


Don't you run away from me,
let's just get a place together
arooooooo
arooooooo
why you gotta play me like that?
why you gotta get down like that?
arooooooo oowaoh
arooooooo oowaoh

The stars and the skies and the best of friends
couldn't take away this melody, from the Detox Day Inn
cant you seeee?
I will always love saltless dinners in seattleless cities

Now you can't seem to tell me,
if He is kind or cruel or even really there
arooooooo
arooooooo
and you don't seem to know, uh oh,
why boys and girls will never get it right
arooooooo
arooooooo woah oh oh oh ohhhh

The stars and the skies and the best of friends
couldn't take away this melody, from the Detox Day Inn
cant you seeee?
I will always love saltless dinners in seattleless cities

dont stop dancing
i cant spell these words
dont stop dancing
can you see the world
from
where
ever
it is
you are

roooo roooo roooo, roooo rooo rooo rooooooo

baby girl, I will always love you
salt and sand and soda float,
and books and beans and rusty boat,
can you help me,
get this record published?

(or can you at least help me get signed to a major label?)

A New Hope

The following news stories made the headlines in 2009, what is to come in this new year, the first of a brand new decade?:

'Sandy Old Man Puts Himself At Risk For Sake of Church-Goers'

'A Nation At War [Will You Marry Me, Sally Boon-Rickett?]'

'Oh the Chinese, How Playful They Have Become!'

'The Internet: Do We Really Need It?'

The above stories and many replications were reported in a number of highly respected editorials world wide including The Dominion Post, Milan Today, The Daily Prophet, some odd magazine my neighbour gets delivered, and The New York Times.

Also, who is going to Vampy Weekend? Should I fly up? No. Probably not. Spend that money on trinkets and a bed.

Domesticated Fox: Who Could Ask for a Better Companion?

Ahyes, le fox. Vulpes Vulpes to the Romans, or Italians, or, wait does any particular group of people 'claim' Latin? It's just awful, just the worst language. It's like trying to learn how to speak fascism, all that strict structure, it hardly reflects the lifestyle of those mad emperors back in Ancient Rome right? Alcoholism painted as gaeity, orgies respected as if they were art, Jesus H. Christ what were they thinking?

Anyway, the fox. The FOXX. Red fox or silver fox, both are beautiful little characters, sly, sleek, sexy, sensual, soft, something else. But one question occurred to me while watching the latest Wes Anderson flick, 'How will I make friends with a fantastic mr or mrs fox of my own?' I think that a fox would just be the most spectacular pet, well surpassing goldfishae, budgerigars, and only just surpassing Archie and the abstract concept of Sand-Rabbits, it would be fun, and compact and it can kill chickens, and he has a beautiful coat and bright eyes and a bushy bushy tail. I want one.

I want a fox as a pet.

The Russians have been doing experiments to domesticate the Silver Fox, which is, in my opinion, just the greatest thing. The silver fox is equally as handsome as the classic red fox in a more contemporary, futuristic, silver-y kind of way, and now the Russians have made them into pets! Apparently they act more like dogs than they would in the wild but as long as they're still foxes on the most fundamental level, I'd fuckin get one! There's also a video on the Ustube internet video sharing website which is a man who found a 3 month old fox and forced the little red fellow to love him. I like that guy.

There are plenty of videos on that website of pet red foxes, let alone the silver ones, they're comparatively COMMON now! but I want to know if it's legal to have one of those little fuckers in NZ? Can anyone help? is anyone a vet/works for the Ministry of Fox Ownership?

And to sign off, let it be my honour to quote one of my most predominant influences and say, 'what are y'all doing tonight?'